How Not To Wake Up

I woke up early this morning (6 o’clock-ish), remaining in bed, dozing and listening to Jo and Freya getting ready. Just before they were set to go I heard Freya crying (probably an over-reaction to hurting herself, or possibly an unwillingness to do something). I don’t know how long this little outburst lasted, but after just a couple of wails of disapproval I found my heart-rate rise and my temper shorten. In the past I have stumbled naked into the hall and blurt out some angry comment, making my way back to bed, leaving everyone in a worse mood.

Today I did my best to ignore the noise, trying instead to focus on how unimportant it all was, and that within five minutes of it being over I’d forget about the whole incident. It wasn’t easy; I still got slightly uptight, but I refrained from taking it out on the girls, who left shortly after.

It was very pleasant to lie there alone and in silence, with only my thoughts to disturb me. And then it happened. I’m certain it is something that has only come in recent years, but I do not know when my morning thoughts started getting interrupted by making a mental to-do list. I was actually aware of becoming stressed at the notion of planning, not just today, but the whole weekend.

“I’d like to go for an early morning walk today and maybe be able to vacuum clean before lunch instead of tomorrow because tomorrow Jo and Freya are going to make chocolate balls for Freya to take to Emilie’s birthday party so I’ll get up early tomorrow and see if Freya wants to come for a walk with me before Jo gets up which means she can have a bit of a lie in and then when we drop off Freya at Emilie’s maybe we can…”, is pretty much how my lazy morning in bed turned out, without a mental breath or punctuation to assuage the increasing agitation building up in my head.

Once again I managed to see what was happening, and put a stop to it, forcing myself to calm down and concentrate on where I was just then. And this is where this entry came from, a result of focusing . It is extremely interesting to realise how a normal day in my head begins, and is definitely something I must work on forthwith.