Umm, I’ve just heard the UK’s Eurovision Song Contest entry on Swedish TV, four days before the final. I must say that it really is risible how, year after year, we churn out the most diabolical tripe.

I have no idea of the popularity of the ESC in Blighty, having not lived there for a good few years, but I have been amazed that, despite our musical heritage, we continue to disappoint.

So, Daz Sampson has come up with a rather lame hip-hop/Pink Floyd fusion, entitled “Teenage Life”. It sounds interesting in thought, but the man cannot rap. And has the lyrical intelligence of a teenager who never spent a day in school. Bring forth exhibit A, the chorus (from his website, which I refuse to link to):

“What did you learn at school today?”
That’s what the teachers used to say
But they don’t know
Don’t understand, do they
Why do they always give advice
Saying “Just be nice, always think twice”
When it’s been a long since they had a teenage life

I never thought I’d say it, but, after reading this atrocity to the English language, I’d prefer to hear a badly written love-song than this.

As if this last statement weren’t bad enough, some of the comments on his website further decrease its value as a song. In fact, they must be a joke, written by other Daz-haters:

xXx hello ur song is phat keep it up its proper phat u need 2 bring out anther 1 im sure tht wll be phat 2 lol xXx

daz dis song is da best song ever n i fink qwe might be able 2 win dis year wid u as our singer godd luck love

Sorry, United Kingdom, but this is an embarrassment. I pity the country that gives this turd any points.

With the Swedish elections coming sometime soon (I presume), one of the national newspapers, Dagens Nyheter, has set about to help voters deciding which party to support, via a set of 31 questions. Curiosity got the better of me, and I found myself completing the test, to see if any surprises lurked in my thinking. Sadly, though, I am as predictable as they come, as the following screenshot shows:

Unlike the British political system, Sweden has a few more parties to choose from, some of them even being noticeably different from each other. As the table clearly shows I am 73% Environmental Party, followed by Communist, Social-Democrats (currently in office), Centre, Christian-Democrats, Moderates and, bringing up the rear, The People’s Party.

For those people unaware of the different parties and their viewpoints, they are just as boring as any other country’s politics, but anyone who knows me would vouch that this is a fair representation of my beliefs.

I bought, and we imbibed, an Australian red-wine last night, namely a bottle of Brookfield Cabernet Sauvignon. It was reasonable enough, for being a cheap and cheerful wine, but its characteristics are not why I write. No, it is rather the blurb on the back that caught my attention

Please note: the following is quoted and has not been tampered with in any way.

Brookfield, a large reserve in Australia protects native scrubland and its inhabitants including the unique Red Mallee eucalypt tree, prolific bird life and the much loved Hairy-nosed Wombat, Fat-tailed Dunnart and Red Kangaroo.

More than the excruciatingly bad punctuation-usage, which can be likened to having one’s eyes lightly shredded with a cheese-grater, I was forced to read through a number of times, becoming more intrigued by the list of fauna and wildlife the region boasts. So much, in fact, that I felt the need to educate myself.

First off, the Red Mallee, seemingly (according, at least, to Google picture-search) noteable more for its use in the making of ornaments than in its natural form. Something, I’m sure, the Red Mallee would have a few choice words to say about, given the chance (and a mouth).

Next, the “much-loved” Hairy-nosed Wombat. Looks like a wombat, of course, though I’m unsure of its hirsute nomenclature, since the pictures I’ve seen unwisely lack nasal focus, but I’m willing to give the benefit of the doubt.

For scientific purposes, though, a picture of a Common Wombat may assist in lessening sceptisism:

Hmmm, not convinced. I believe wholeheartedly that the former wombat is hairy, in general, but to say the Hairy-nosed Wombat has more hair on its nose than its body is a statement I’m not minded to concur with.

If I were to see a wombat strolling nonchalantly (and it would) down the road towards my local supermarket, I’d be unable to classify it, of that I’m sure.

Okay, then, I’m none the wiser, so let’s sally forth.

The Fat-tailed Dunnart. This picture cleary shows what I believe to be a dunnart, with an unmistakeably tubby appendage. I’ve seen pictures of the boring variety and am ready to bet a substantial amount of money that I could, eight times out of ten, identify the two sub-species.

And thus ends my exploration of wine-bottle labels for now. Notice that the Red Kangaroo has not been mentioned, since anything that is deemed a pest by its human co-inhabitants cannot have any significant worth. Oh, except that kangaroos’ scrotum is located far ahead of the penis, almost in the middle of the belly.

This week I’ve been spending time finding out about some of the bands I used to like when I was in my early teens. This research has led to both happy memories and good news.

First of all I went searching for OMD, uber-synth group that started off producing brilliant albums, until 3 of the four members left, leaving OMD releasing pop-pap. I wasn’t expecting much, but became pleasantly surprised to find out that all the original band-members have reformed, and are in the midst of doing a new album. Better yet, that they are doing gigs of their old albums.

Next, probably the first group I really got into, Darts. A nine piece Sho-Wop band, Darts were together for as many years, and spent, totalled, 117 weeks in the British charts. To put it in perspective, they had more UK hits than Rock ‘n’ Roll greats, Chuck Berry, Jerry Lee Lewis, Eddie Cochran, Fats Domino or Carl Perkins.

I’ve tried to find out information about Darts for a while now, having only a couple of CD’s of theirs to listen to, when I found out today, via a fan site, that they are actually doing a couple of gigs (minus a few members) at the end of the year. It means nothing that their choice of venues include Butlin’s; I’d love to go and see them again anywhere. Also, a DVD of a live concert is available from Cherry Red Records, and a documentary about them is being made.

Suffice to say, I have a few early entries to my Christmas list after scouring the Darts site, including an album I never knew they released. Happy days are here again.